Oregon Football Gives me a Heart Attack!

AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS WHY WE FANS LOVE OUR TEAMS!  Just hours ago, the University of Oregon finished an amazing comeback in double overtime to beat the Arizona Wildcats in Tucson to keep its Pac-10 Championship and Rose Bowl hopes alive.  To sum up my feelings is difficult.  Basically, my heart has been in my throat for about 2 hours and it has dropped below 140 beats per minute.  Watching the last drive down the field at the end of regulation about gave me an aneurism.  But, in the end, the Oregon Ducks emerged victorious.

Masoli TRUCKS the Wildcats

Masoli against USC

This is the man I owe my season too.  Jeremiah Masoli led the Ducks 80 yards with 3:11 left to play in the game to score with just six seconds remaining.  Masoli is a new breed of quarterback.  Not only did he have ice in his veins that entire final drive, but he managed both the clock and the team perfectly.  Masoli is a high-breed quarterback; a duel threat.  He is just as dangerous passing as he is running.

In this game alone, Masoli threw for three touchdowns and ran for three more.  Incredible.  He is a Fullback playing quarterback.  Nothing gets a team going more than watching your quarterback truck a linebacker on his way to the first down.

Freshman runningback LaMichael James also broke the PAC-10 all-time rushing record tonight after rushing 117 yards on 19 carries.  A special congratulations goes out to him.  The Oregon Ducks also became the first team to ever score 40+ points in five straight PAC-10 games.

The Ducks put me through ups and downs tonight.  I was cursing at the television and getting fed up with life, and then two minutes later I was jumping up and down screaming.  The refs where brewing up some home cooking and an imaginary facemask call in the first overtime almost gave the game to Arizona.  However, in the end, the team I bleed for won.  Here are a few more pictures of my team just because I want to share them (and their awesome uniform combinations) with the world.

Ducks celebrate double OT victory

Masoli makes a move

More Masoli

The Duck can Fly!

James has Amazing Vision.

Masoli has ICE in his veins on the final drive

This win sets up the biggest Civil War in history.  On Thursday, December 3, Oregon and Oregon State will battle in Autzen Stadium for the right to play Ohio State in the Rose Bowl.  The Beavers where up to their normal antics this season…. you know…. lose 3 games early before making a push for the conference title and ending the season ranked.  With both teams winning today, both teams control their own destiny for the journey to Pasadena.

Jacquizz upsets USC

Beaver Nation is a Proud Nation!

Oregon State’s runningback Jacquizz Rodgers is now the enemy.  I have rooted for the Beavers all season (they are my second favorite team), but now, the war is on.  The hatred that Oregon and Oregon State has for one another will be reborn over the next week and a half.  I will write more during the week about the upcoming Civil War, but for now, I just want to congratulate both teams on showing why Oregon is one of the best football states in America.  Way to make all Oregonians proud.

CIVIL WAR TIME! BRING IT!

Locker Room Etiquette

Having competed in many various athletic competitions in my life, I am no stranger to the locker room.  Most men’s locker rooms do not have individual showers, and the YMCA is no different.  From muddy, gross football guys to exhausted, defeated basketball players, I have showered next to them all.  Boys will be boys, and I have seen (and fallen victim too) many a naked prank.  A lot of guys have no shame about leaving a hand-shaped, red turkey on another man’s ass, while others very much enjoy showing you the various tricks they can do with their penises.  However, never before have I seen what goes on in the Oak Square YMCA locker room on a daily basis.

Now, unlike the athletic competitions I have partaken in, the YMCA is composed of a large population of elderly people, mostly Russian.  Maybe old people have lost all shame when it comes to their nudity, but the people who pass by have not.  Here are some quick points I have.  One, a 75 year old man does not need to shave his chest and “manly” areas… especially when it’s completely uncovered in front of the sinks without ANYTHING on.  Two, you cannot sit in the public hot tub in the nark.  You ESPECIALLY can’t walk through the lobby of the YMCA naked to get to the hot tub.  Three, when members are complaining that so many “old Russian balls” are flopping loosely on the benches in the steam room that we have to post signs on the door warning of this practice, something is wrong.

The design of the locker room was very poorly thought out.  Once you walk in the door and around the corner, there is a narrow hallway of lockers on both sides of the walkway.  When it is crowded and a lot of people are changing, it is like walking a gauntlet of droopy, fleshy, naked butts pointed right at you.  It’s inevitable that every old man will be bent over drying his feet whenever someone needs to walk through the gauntlet to the showers or sinks.  It’s a very interesting phenomenon.

I saved my favorite complaint for a certain Asian man.  I understand that you have your daily ritual of “good morning salutations” and other stretching exercises you need to do to stay healthy, but the showers are not the place for them.  I am not making this up.  This guy does “downward” dog stretch STARK NAKED in a full shower of seven other guys.  Now, I don’t need to remind you of the male anatomy, but when you are stretching in the nude, with your hands and feet on the ground with your bum facing straight up in the air, certain parts dangle effortlessly and sway back and forth as if dancing on the wind.  It’s not a pretty site.  This guy continues to fulfill his daily, naked stretching regime and ends with his squatting knee twists.

Now, I can stand pranks and people prancing around naked like idiots, but these issues draw the line.  Maybe I just have a problem with naked OLD people.  I don’t know.  But can anyone actually say that any of these things are okay?  I didn’t think so.  Other than that, work continues to be swell.

 

Jeep Versus Hummer: Part 1

There has always been the classic debate about what vehicle is best.  Is it a Ford?  A Chevy?  Certainly, the best manufactured vehicle isn’t a foreign brand.  Well honestly, its way too hard to debate which vehicle is the best.  That is way too hard and completely based on personal preference.  However, I got in another argument today about which all terrain vehicle is the best for off-roading.  Is it the hummer or the Jeep?  I will make myself very very clear.  When it comes to defeating pure off road obstacles and portraying physical toughness, no manufactured, passenger carrying automobile is more durable, reliable or sexier than a Willys Jeep.

Let me set something straight before I begin.  I am a Jeep owner.  In fact, here is a picture of the group I run with.

The group parked on top of the Callahans.

I owe my love for Jeeps to my dad.  He has built many Jeeps, but none as important as his own and two others: my brother’s and myself.  These vehicles are designed to overcome any obstacle that steps in the way.  Here are some examples of what we like to do.

Dad's Jeep pushing the limits!

Derek's Jeep plowing the way.

He made this crick crossing look real easy.

Just goofin' around.

This is NOT a Jeep... but his name is Billybob, so we allow him.

Opening a new road.

Dad striking a pose!

Accidents happen!

Obviously, what we do for “fun” is not “normal.”  We get a rush out of building machines and pushing them to the limit of what they can do versus nature.  It takes guts, skill, knowledge and sometimes, a lead foot.

The Jeep and the Hummer are both military invented tools.  The Jeep was born in 1941 when the military decided that it needed a vehicle to meet certain military needs.  Ford and Willys-Overland Company teamed up to designed the perfect automobile.  Willys designed it,and Ford made it happen!  What they created was the the Bantam BRC 40.

Just look at the Bad-Assery!!!

The term “Jeep” is a mystery.  Most people believe that the term came from the letters the Jeep bore, GP, meaning either “Government Purpose” or “General Purpose.”  These letter where then just shortened to the term Jeep.  However, experts also believe that the vehicle was designed for specific duties and was never referred to as “General Purpose.”   They believe and that the name may have been derived from Ford’s nomenclature referring to the vehicle as GP, G for government use, and P to designate its 80-inch (2,000 mm) wheelbase.

The original Hummer (HMMWV or Humvee) was created in 1992 and discontinued in 2006.  Originally designed strictly for military use, this absolutely massive four-wheel-drive utility vehicle earned its 15 minutes of fame as a civilian conveyance when it became the ride of choice among Hollywood celebrities and professional athletes who thought it oh-so-chic to pilot the ultimate ruff-and-tuff image machine.

The original is not bad looking.

I am not making the claim that a Jeep is better than a Hummer in extreme off-road situations without a STRONG foundation of what it takes to survive driving in these environments.

Both vehicles can handle any muscle you want to throw under the hood.  Although a Hummer will have more space and few modifications will need to be made.  I have seen many Jeeps run with Big Block engines.  The benefit to having a Jeep is that they weigh a couple hundred pounds lighter.  Think about it: if two vehicles are turning the tires at the same speed and velocity up a muddy hill against gravity, which one is going to crawl up easier?  Obviously, the answer is the lighter one.

The thing that sets the Jeep apart from the Hummer is pure dimensions.  The Hummer is longer and fatter than Jeep.  When it comes to narrowly weaving in and out of trees and obstacles, the Jeep takes the cake.

The Humvee’s claim to fame is that it “boasted 16 inches (40 cm) of ground clearance as well as super-aggressive approach and departure angles.  The Humvee could clamber over a 22-inch (56 cm) high obstacle, handle a 60 percent grade and wade through up to 30 inches (76 cm) of water.”

First off, there is only one fact in that statement that a Jeep can’t do itself.  I will accept the Jeeps defeat when it comes to percent grade.  Having a longer wheel base, the Hummer can go up steeper inclines without tipping over backwards.  Jeeps, which are raised above stock level, are taller and a little awkward.

As far as the driving through water, a Jeep with a snorkel and a little customization can do the same thing.  Is there a 22-inch obstacle in the way?  Please, a Jeep can handle that without blinking an eye.  Other than the pure storage capabilities and percent grade, a Jeep dominates the Hummer front ways and back.

I only began to touch on this topic, and I will cover it more in depth in the future.  However, for now, I think this gets the conversation moving.  I am going to leave this Blog with one last argument.  Look at these two pictures and you will understand which vehicle is better.

Cool!

NOT COOL!!!

My Annoying Neighbors Turning me into Batman!!

I have not been able to write much lately, and I apologize! Hopefully, this will get me back on track!

I accidentally live on a party street.  I am not exaggerating.  In fact, Ashford Street may very well be worse than any Fraternity row I have ever seen.  Come Friday and Saturday nights, the street is alive with the sound of drunk bustling people, cop car sirens and the neighboring band who thinks they are really good.  I expect craziness.  However, what went down at our place Friday night may be one of the more intriguing stories I’ve had the privilege to tell.  Here’s a quick taste of where I live.

First off, do I enjoy living on this street?  Well, if I wasn’t supposed to feel like a grown-up working a full time job and supporting my girlfriend and I lived in a houseful of guys, I would absolutely love it!!!  There is always something to do and people to watch.  It makes for a very entertaining life style.  However, I’m not allowed to do all the stupid things I would normally do, so it’s just an empty temptation.

These “kids” take their lives way to seriously.  A few weeks ago, an apartment was having a house party as we walked by.  This is not an exaggeration!!  They had a line of about 50 people outside, all with TICKETS in their hand, all waiting to get into a house party.  Yes!!!  They sold tickets to their house party!!  And the funny thing about it was that they sold too many tickets.  The resident throwing the party was yelling over the angry crowd waiting to get in that “there are too many people at the party and the cops have already come by twice and the next time they are going to shut down the party.”  Why is the police giving three strike warnings to a house party full of drunkin, hormone raging underclassmen?   I was just curious.

The band next door is pretty funny… and annoying!  I have no problem with them playing their music all day and afternoon and even into the evening.  But when it starts to be 10…11…12…1…2 in the morning, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!  This band will start playing at 2 in the morning on a Monday night when some of us normal people have to be at work by 5:30 am.  The cops are continually called by neighbors on both sides, but nothing ever gets done.  I am going to have to take matters into my own hands.  And I will win a fight against the band!  I’ve seen them!  They are coked out, skinny little losers!  And if that’s not bad enough, they are not good!!!  They sound terrible and the singer makes the hair on the back of your neck melt off.

And if this is not bad enough, they think they are the hottest shit this side of Calcutta.  On more than one occasion, we have come home to see two or three guitarists who have climbed out of the upstairs window onto the top of the patio covering the entry way.  They aren’t just sitting there drinking beer like an acceptable person.  Nope, they are seated overhanging the street of belligerent college (and high school) kids playing their guitars and singing to passer biers.  And again, THEY ARE NOT GOOD!!  They are just embarrassing themselves.

When I saw this, I went downstairs to get my paintball gun.  I was going to light them up from across the street and have a REALLY hearty laugh, but alas, I had no paintballs.  But next time, NEXT TIME, they are going to get it!  And I really don’t believe that this is being mean.  I am honestly just giving them a reawakening.  It’s kind of like a spanking that their mothers should give them all for being inconsiderate douche bags, except my spankings leave quarter sized welts.

Anywho, on to Friday night!  Its 2 am.  I am happily asleep.  All of a sudden Laurel and I are awaken to people yelling and see a huge orange and yellow ball of flame engulfing our bedroom window.  At first, I was nervous, but upon looking out the window, I saw that the drunken idiots outside had started to get the flames under control.  Thinking that it was just idiots being idiots, I laid back into bed before our roommates went running outside.  Reluctant, pretty much because I didn’t care, I got out of bed to see what was going on.

We had to call the fire department to come assure that everything was out.  The idiots had lit a bag of leaves on fire which got out of control and moved to the side of our house.  Underneath our bedroom window, the entire siding was melted off.  Needless to say, the culprits instantly ran off when it got ugly and good Samaritans where actually the ones running over to help put it out.  No one knew who did it, but we are pretty sure it was the band playing coke addicts next to us because this driveway is in between our two houses and moments after the chaos was over, they started playing music again… at 2:30 in the morning.

I am losing my patience with these fools.  Its one thing to consistently rape my eardrums on a nightly basis, but trying to light my apartment on fire is pushing the line.  In the words of a famous Bugs Bunny, “Of course you know, this means war!”  Why lie!?  Now, this does not mean I am going to go across the street with 6 moltav cocktails and burn their place down.  I am a very funny, and revenge seeking individual.  When it comes to practical jokes and annoying deserving company, I can think of no better qualified individual.  This is going to be VERY entertaining!

The next time they are playing their music past 11 pm, I am going to walk over and confront them about it.  If it doesn’t stop, then the fireworks will begin.  I’ll let you know people, we are at war, and it’s a war that I can’t lose.  Sooner or later, they will get the picture.  If the Boston Police Department can’t get something as simple as this taken care of after about 20 calls (not just from our apartment but from above and surrounding neighbors)in three months, then it is my civic duty to take action.  I will become a vigilante.  Call me Batman!

NBA Preview

Tonight, the NBA season gets going.  I’m excited.  Not because I think the NBA regular season is that exciting…. because it’s not.  Rather, I am excited because the Portland Trailblazers are poised to make a title run.

I know, I know…. All of the “experts” are putting 5 teams into title contention (Lakers, Celtics, Cavaliers, magic and Nuggets), but that is primarily because the “experts” 1) hate the Pacific Northwest when it comes to ANY sport, and 2) they like to be safe in their prognostics.  These five teams are all safe choices in the public’s eyes.

Answer me this, why is it that the Denver Nuggets are poised to make a title run while the Blazers are not?  Last season, these two teams tied for the Division title and Denver, having the tie breaker, got the high seed and a free trip to the Western Conference Finals.

The Nuggets have Billups and Carmelo.  Yes, that makes them a contender for the division, but beyond that, this is the exact same team that tied a young Blazer franchise last season.

Portland, on the other hand, added exactly what it needed:  veteran leadership at the point.  Andre Miller will distribute the ball much better than streaky Steve Blake and will open up the court for Roy and Aldridge to put up big numbers.

Also, did anybody watch Greg Oden in the preseason?  Holy cow!!!  Remember, this is Oden’s second full year in the NBA.  He showed signs of greatness last season, and so far, he has looked like a number one draft pick all offseason.  This guy is just 21 years old!  If he becomes even slightly dominant inside this season, the Blazers will be unstoppable.

In my opinion, the Blazers are obviously better than the Nuggets.

The Western Conference will be a battle between Tim Duncan’s Spurs, Kobe Bryant’s Lakers and the Portland Trailblazers.  Honestly, I am favoring the Spurs at this point to take the West, followed by Portland and the Lakers.  However, if the Conference Title comes down to a series between the Lakers and Blazers, there is no reason that Portland shouldn’t be in the NBA finals.  The reason: THE LAKERS CAN’T WIN IN THE ROSE GARDEN!  The entire city of Portland hates the L.A. Lakers more than anything.  In fact, the Lakers losing is pretty much the same feeling as the Blazers winning.  This rivalry is easily one of the fiercest hatreds of any sport rivalry.

Here are my season predictions… by the way… I don’t have it in me to pick against the Blazers.

Western Conference

Northwest Division

Portland Trailblazers

Denver Nuggets

Utah Jazz

Oklahoma City Thunder

Minnesota Timberwolves

Southwest Division

San Antonio Spurs

New Orleans Hornets

Dallas Mavericks

Houston Rockets

Memphis Grizzlies

Pacific Division

L.A. Lakers

Phoenix Suns

L.A. Clippers

Golden State Warriors

Sacramento Kings

 

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division

Boston Celtics

Philadelphia 76ers

New York Knicks

Toronto Raptors

New Jersey Nets

Central Division

Cleveland Cavaliers

Chicago Bulls

Detroit Pistons

Indiana Pacers

Milwaukee Bucks

Southeast Division

Orlando Magic

Atlanta Hawks

Miami Heat

Charlotte Bobcats

Washington Wizards

Eastern Seeds

1) Boston Celtics

2) Cleveland Cavaliers

3) Orlando Magic

4) Chicago Bulls

5) Detroit Pistons

6) Atlanta Hawks

7) Philadelphia 76ers

Miami Heat

Western Seeds

1) L.A. Lakers

2) Portland Trailblazers

3) San Antonio Spurs

4) Denver Nuggets

5) Utah Jazz

6) New Orleans Hornets

7) Dallas Mavericks

Phoenix Suns

Eastern Conference Championship

Boston Celtics and Cleveland Cavaliers

Western Conference Championship

Portland Trailblazers and L.A. Lakers

NBA Finals

Portland over Boston in 6 games

Boring Boring Baseball

What a great time of year it is for sports.  Football is in full swing; basketball is beginning, and the first week of hockey is under way.  It doesn’t get much better than this.  Wait…. What was that?  Baseball is getting ready to play the World Series?  How can baseball still be going on, and more importantly, why does nobody care!?

That’s right.  I said it.  Baseball is very lucky that it is played in the summer when no other sport is going on.  Let’s all face it.  The moment football season started, America stopped paying attention to baseball.  I mean, the NFL draft was a more anticipated event than the start of Major League Baseball.

Baseball is boring.  Players stand around for 4 hours hoping a ball will come their direction while the other players sit underground waiting for their turn to typically just sit right back down.  Professional baseball players who bat .300 are considered good.  Think about that statistic.  You step up to bat, and you are considered good if you can get on base 1 out of 3 times.

What if other sports where held at these expectations?  From now on, a Wide Receiver only needs to catch one in three passes.  Basketball players are also now expected to catch one in three passes.  Think about it!  The most routine aspect of the sport is only expected to be completed 33% of the time!  It is just plain silly.

Now, I admit that I am from the West Coast, Oregon more specifically, where our nearest baseball team is the Seattle Mariners and no one really plays the sport, but when I moved to Boston, I really gave it a try.  I have become a little more wary of the sport, primarily because the Mariners weren’t terrible this season, but games on television are the only way to make the sport manageable.

I went to three Red Sox baseball games this season, including one against the Mariners on the 4^th of July.  OH MY GOD WHERE THEY BORING!  No one can see if a pitch is a strike or a ball, rarely does anyone actually move and the best part of the game is when the song “Sweet Caroline” comes on in the 8^th inning.  Actually, the best part of the game is hazing Red Sox players and pissing off the fans, but that takes a lot of beer.  And at $7.50 a piece, it’s not worth it.

Baseball is called “America’s National Past time.”  In my opinion, that can mean two things.  One, it passes the time, which it does effectively in a very lethargic manner.  Like I said, I get more accomplished lying in my hammock than many players in a game.  Or two, it was great in the past time, meaning that it was popular back in like the 1920s.

Football is now America’s sport.  Contemporary society eats, sleeps and breathes the sport.  The sport is fast, physical and mimics every core value the United States stand for.  For example, football teaches individuals to take other people’s land by force while getting to wear tight pants doing it!  Yeah, I think I stole that line from somewhere, but I still like it.

So baseball, get with the program.  Either change some rules and spice up the sport, or shorten your season.  I know that you can figure out who the top 4 teams are in each league in less than 162 games.  My advice: end your season before football starts.  If you don’t, then you are doomed to have a lower rating in your World Series than Monday Night football on its worst night.  Either that, or allow the runner to carry the bat with them around the bases!  To be called out, the defense has to tag the runner with the ball.  The runners with the bats are allowed to defend themselves on the way to the bases.  Now, doesn’t that sound fun!?

Brett Farve Hypocrites

As most people already know, I love Brett Farve.  I stand behind and support everything he has done and been through in his quest to play for the Minnesota Vikings.  Any man who starts that many straight games and plays through the injuries he has endured without much let down is a football player in my book.

And a football player plays football!  When the Packers forced him into retirement early and then told him that he could come back and not even compete for a starting position, what do you think a football player would do?  Farve wanted traded somewhere he could play, namely Minnesota, which we all know Green Bay wanted nothing to do with.  Now, through a clever scheme of retirements and un-retirements, Brett Farve is with the team he wanted to play for all along.

Now, here is my problem.  The majority of the public hates Brett Farve.  Why?  It’s most likely because he cares more about winning and having fun than money.  In the modern NFL, this is unacceptable.  But whatever the reason is, it revolves around the majority of the population, who have not played competitive football, not understanding why a football player wants to play football.  The media, fans and the state of Wisconsin want to see Farve fall flat on his face and burn in a downward tailspin of destruction.  A lot of hype was surrounding last night’s game where Brett Farve would be challenging his old team with whom he had played for 16 years.  If Farve was to lose this game, the world would have been on him like a 40 pound bag of manure.   Everyone was ready for an implosion from the veteran, lurking in the bushes like a tiger stalking a jack rabbit.  As soon as Farve messed up, the haters would be numerous and boisterous.

Brett Farve and the Minnesota Vikings did the exact opposite of what these people hoped for.  Instead, the man threw for 271 yards, 0 interceptions and 3 touchdowns on 24 for 31 passing.  Not bad for a man who turns 40 this Saturday.  Farve was making quick, smart decisions, accurate passes and genuinely having a good time all night.  Farve has led the Minnesota Vikings to a 4-0 start this season.

Now, after this gutsy performance, the media is all for Brett Farve, but this time, it is all positive.  Everyone is saying, “just look at what he did” and “we knew the gun-slinger still had it” and “Farve makes this team poised to make a Superbowl run.”  It makes me sick.  Where were all these Farve advocates when he was dealing with the tough times and every move was being over analyzed?

That’s the problem with sports fans today.  The loyalty to players and franchises has diminished as the need to be a winner has become more important.  Just because Farve was correct in saying that he knew that he could still play the game and keeps putting up great numbers week to week and has the best runningback of possibly all-time is no reason to suddenly support the Vikings.

Frankly, I don’t want to hear it.  In fact, I would rather all of you keep hating on Farve, so I can keep defending him and saying “I told you so” week after week…. Because you know I will.  And here in like 4 weeks, he will have a bad game and the haters will come out of the woodworks and scream for his head on a platter, but Farve will bounce back.  And after the Vikings win the Superbowl this season, the haters will find every reason to take the fame away from Farve, but it won’t happen.  The legacy of No. 4 goes way beyond what he has does with the rest of this season.  He is the epitome of what a football player is and should be.  To all the haters out there, please, stay haters.  You do not deserve to be graced with the presence of such a wonderful and profound football player.  Great game last night, Brett.

Zombie Apocalypse Part 3: Weapons

As mentioned previously, a huge necessity for a stronghold and surviving the zombie apocalypse is weaponry.  Although effective, we don’t need a tank, helicopter or .16 caliber machine gun to survive.  What the party needs is simply weapons that each survivor can use with ample amounts of ammunition.  Now don’t get me wrong, using a chainsaw, compound bow, golf club, machete, 40 pound bag of fertilizer or an ostrich are all very badass and acceptable ways to kill zombies, but that is for entertainment… not survival.  Together, a group can collect all the different types of weapons to build the perfect defense.

The type of gun chosen by each individual is very important.  I don’t care if you have never shot a gun in your life!  There is a gun out there for you!

For the complete noob, a .22 caliber pistol or rifle is the correct choice.  One small bullet from a gun that doesn’t even kick will suffice in killing zombies.  However, we must make sure that you either have a long clip that holds more than the typical 15 bullets or many extra clips already prepared because, with this gun doing so little damage, you are going to either have to be a very good marksmen or shoot a lot of bullets in a short amount of time.  You had better learn how to aim well quickly because this small gun will not slow down zombies unless they where kill shots.

The group needs at least two individuals who can handle 12 gauge shotguns.  But let’s please forget the Hollywood pump action garbage.  We want it to be semi automatic.  Why?  A semi-auto gun shoots as fast as you can pull the trigger and primarily loads with a clip.  Clips are way faster and more time efficient if someone is in a hurry.  A pump action gun typically is a manual feed on the side of the action.  It’s slow, annoying and awkward.  Shotguns are very important for survival.

A shotgun can get a lot of damage done over a wide area of charging zombies.  The downfall to the shotgun is that they generally hold about 8-12 shells and reload very slow if we don’t have a clip.  The members who possess the shotguns must be brave enough to battle on the front line.  Shot gunners are going to be killing the majority of the zombies and stacking up the front line.  These individuals are also going to be doing a lot of rescue and salvage missions as their weapons are most suited for firing on the run.  Although very difficult to do, shotguns can be fired accurately at close range without aiming.  The individuals with the shotguns should be fearless.

We need at least one individual with the long range rifle.  To be honest, two or three would be even more acceptable.  These guns do not have to be some custom made, epic sniper rifles.  It just has to be able to shoot, with a scope, at least 100 yards accurately.  To be honest a .308 or 30-06 would be perfect.  A .270 packs a little less punch, but it doesn’t kick and would get the job done.  Choose bolt action.  They are consistently the most accurate models.  I admit that they are a bit slower to reload, but snipers aren’t generally needing to reload at high rates.

We need a few snipers to start picking off a charging horde from long distances.  A sniper also gets the duty of saving many people running from zombies outside of the stronghold.  If a horde is charging at our defense from 100 yards away, three decent snipers can easily take out 30 zombies.  If a zombie or two breaks into our stronghold, catching me off guard an knocking me to the ground, I want to be able to have complete faith that one of my snipers can pick it off the top of me before it can bite me.  The long range rifles are for covering fire and protection.  The sniper must be your best shot.  Anyone can be taught to fire a shotgun, but having excellent aim is a talent that can’t just be taught.  It is learned over time.

The rest of the group carries what they feel they can handle.  To be honest, most individuals are going to carry pistols or hunting rifles.  I mean, if you can get your hands on illegal, fully automatic weapons with attached rocket launchers, please use them.  But on most occasions, we will be stuck with weapons found at any hardware store.  If you can wield a shotgun, please do.

Personally, I would always have at least 4 “emergency” pistols loaded and on my body at all times.  But, like I said, I am experienced enough with firearms to handle them.  This is what my personal arsenal would consist of:

• Primary weapon:  12 gauge, semi-automatic shotgun
• Secondary weapon slung over my back:  .308 caliber, semi-automatic rifle
• Backup weapons:  any 4 pistols of the same caliber that are located on various parts of my body
• Last resort weapon:  A K-bar (Rambo knife)

Now, I understand that there is always going to be that crazy, badass in the group who carries a compound bow, chainsaw or, for some crazy reason, came across a bunch of hand grenades.  Use him!  If you can come across explosives or have people comfortable with creating their own, do so to the fullest extent.  Anytime a group can lay traps, trip mines or detonating explosions, the stronghold just became stronger.  But honestly, it all depends on whether there is someone in the group who is fully comfortable with this kind of defense.

This is a good start to your defense.  We will talk more about personnel on a different occasion.

Why America is getting Fat!

To my readers, I apologize for the short absence.  Being the site coordinator for FANtastic Kids can get stressful when the program is beginning, and now that it is in its second week, I feel that I have a little more time to do the stuff I enjoy.

Allow me to tell you a little about the program.  New Balance has given a HUGE grant to make this possible.  It is monitored through the Boston Medical Center, and I am the Site Coordinator here at the Oak Square YMCA (the program runs at 7 sites) to assure the program runs accurately and smoothly.  FANtastic Kids is for children 8-12, who are referred by a doctor, and are in the 85^th percentile of obesity.  We get together twice a week for two hours.  One hour is of physical activity of different sorts and the second hour is nutrition lesson taught by peer leaders.  The goal is to see kids’ weights stabilize, allowing them to grow up into their bodies.  The program provides healthy snacks, nutrition sessions with parents, field trips, exercise and a lot of fun all at NO CHARGE to qualified participants.

Heart Disease is the NO.1 cause of death in the United States, primarily stemming from obesity, poor eating habits and a sedentary life style.  Doing what I do and being who I am, this is obviously a passion and concern for me.  However, until I moved to Boston, I never really realized why the population is as bad as it is.  Here is a quick take on the obesity epidemic and what I feel are the leading problems.

One, parents are uneducated about food.  This is obviously a problem.  Microwaved burritos for dinner may be quick and filling, but is it really the best choice?  Many people don’t know the difference.  Food is food and as long as I’m full, I’m happy.  Realizing that better choices exist and can quickly be prepared is a must.

Two, it takes time to cook food.  Listen, we have all been there.  We get off work late.  We are starving.  We have people to feed when we get home.  We have to be at work early the next morning and don’t really want to waste our time cooking.  So, we swing by KFC on the way home for some of the Kentucky fried chicken and buttered down mashed potatoes.  It’s not a big deal. It happens! 

However, some parents do this every day!  I am not exaggerating.  I had a parent ask how we get kids to eat other foods because he will go to bed hungry before he eats anything other than McDonalds or Mac ‘N Cheese with hotdogs in it.  The parent was concerned that her child would be hungry if she didn’t give in to the child’s demands.  I really enjoyed the nutritionist’s response which generally stated that “the child may be hungry for a few nights but eventually, the child will eat what you are providing.”  I know it sounds terrible and no parent wants a hungry child, but allowing a child to be spoiled to this extent is not a good thing.  Do the right thing and stop the madness.

Reason NO.3 is the biggest problem in my opinion.  It is the lack of physical activity.  Not only are children spending more time in front of computers and televisions, but schools are even cutting physical education programs to save money.  Kids need exercise and cutting funding to P.E. is a joke.  You want to save some money, please cut cooking classes or the superintendent’s salary.  

All kids should be able to play a sport if they wish.  Even if they are the worst player in the world, they should play.  This is the case in Oregon where I am from.  At age 10, I would be put on a basketball team no matter how terrible I was (I want to make clear that I always made the “A” squad).  However, in Boston, you are cut!  There is one team and one team alone.  You either make it, or you don’t play.  That is rough!  More teams need to be provided by schools, even if that means kids need to pay more to play.

Also, I remember getting home from school and going straight outside and playing for hours until it got dark and mom yelled to come in for dinner.  From the time school was done to supper time, I was riding my bike up and down the street with the neighbor kids.  In Boston, that can’t happen.  There is too much crime and traffic to let 8-12 year old children just play unsupervised outside.  I hate to say that, but it’s true.  At home, we leave our car keys in our vehicles over night.  Crime just doesn’t happen to the extent it does here.  Life is a little more trustworthy.  I can understand parents too.  I mean, I would not allow my child to wander outdoors alone here.  Living in the city is a huge deterrent for getting children adequate activity.

I strongly believe that the obesity rate will start to come down as contemporary society becomes more educated to the benefits of eating properly and exercising regularly.  But for now, it’s an individual battle that must take place.  It is never too late to start losing weight and living healthy.  It is possible.  It just takes self control and desire.  I have utmost confidence that if a person dedicated 2 months of their life to me, I could get a person to drop unhealthy weight (not all of it in that time span) and become more physically active.  This, in turn, would lead to a decreased chance of heart disease and more energy. 

The world is changing.  Society needs to nip this sedentary lifestyle thing in the butt before it is too late.  I mean, I have seen Wall-e.  I know what the future beholds!

I VOTED for the Mayor of Boston!!!

I work at the Oak Square YMCA in Brighton, Massachusetts.  Today, we are one of the sites where people can vote for the Mayor.  Now, I don’t typically vote, usually because it is inconvenient or I just don’t care, but I have a real good friend who knows as much about politics as I do sports.  I knew that Mr. Hall would be very upset with me if I didn’t execute my right as a Democratic American to vote!

Being the polls where downstairs, I couldn’t help but spend the 30 seconds to walk to booths.  Upon taking my ballot, I realized that I knew absolutely NOTHING about any of the candidates!!  I mean nothing!!  Other than the signs posted all over various lawns, signifying which candidates the unkempt, lazy, white trash individuals supported, I knew nothing about their political views.

So, I did what anyone in my position would do.  I voted for the candidate with the best name!  Mr. Yoon, I voted for you!  If elected, you better serve well.  It was a tight race between you, Faherty (sounds a lot like flirty) and Menino (just rolls off my tongue) for my vote, but in the end, Yoon just felt right to me.

Matt, I know you will be proud of me!  I actually voted, and the truth of the matter is, I kind of enjoyed it.  I mean, enjoyed it in the sense that I was trying to pick a winner, not that I actually know what they plan to do.  I can get into this whole winning bit, but the politics bit just gets kind of blaaaaaahhhhhh.  I kind of felt like the voters in the college football polls.  I mean, my vote is as biased and uneducated as the next person and by all means shouldn’t count towards electing a winner, but somehow, it still does!!!  Isn’t America great!?!?

In conclusion, Yoon… you better win.  I don’t vote/root for losers… EVER!!  I win at life and that includes voting!  Matt, thanks for inspiring me to become more politically aware.  Your texts about sports make me happy, and I can only hope to return that joy!