Having competed in many various athletic competitions in my life, I am no stranger to the locker room. Most men’s locker rooms do not have individual showers, and the YMCA is no different. From muddy, gross football guys to exhausted, defeated basketball players, I have showered next to them all. Boys will be boys, and I have seen (and fallen victim too) many a naked prank. A lot of guys have no shame about leaving a hand-shaped, red turkey on another man’s ass, while others very much enjoy showing you the various tricks they can do with their penises. However, never before have I seen what goes on in the Oak Square YMCA locker room on a daily basis.
Now, unlike the athletic competitions I have partaken in, the YMCA is composed of a large population of elderly people, mostly Russian. Maybe old people have lost all shame when it comes to their nudity, but the people who pass by have not. Here are some quick points I have. One, a 75 year old man does not need to shave his chest and “manly” areas… especially when it’s completely uncovered in front of the sinks without ANYTHING on. Two, you cannot sit in the public hot tub in the nark. You ESPECIALLY can’t walk through the lobby of the YMCA naked to get to the hot tub. Three, when members are complaining that so many “old Russian balls” are flopping loosely on the benches in the steam room that we have to post signs on the door warning of this practice, something is wrong.
The design of the locker room was very poorly thought out. Once you walk in the door and around the corner, there is a narrow hallway of lockers on both sides of the walkway. When it is crowded and a lot of people are changing, it is like walking a gauntlet of droopy, fleshy, naked butts pointed right at you. It’s inevitable that every old man will be bent over drying his feet whenever someone needs to walk through the gauntlet to the showers or sinks. It’s a very interesting phenomenon.
I saved my favorite complaint for a certain Asian man. I understand that you have your daily ritual of “good morning salutations” and other stretching exercises you need to do to stay healthy, but the showers are not the place for them. I am not making this up. This guy does “downward” dog stretch STARK NAKED in a full shower of seven other guys. Now, I don’t need to remind you of the male anatomy, but when you are stretching in the nude, with your hands and feet on the ground with your bum facing straight up in the air, certain parts dangle effortlessly and sway back and forth as if dancing on the wind. It’s not a pretty site. This guy continues to fulfill his daily, naked stretching regime and ends with his squatting knee twists.
Now, I can stand pranks and people prancing around naked like idiots, but these issues draw the line. Maybe I just have a problem with naked OLD people. I don’t know. But can anyone actually say that any of these things are okay? I didn’t think so. Other than that, work continues to be swell.